I Want to Lose Weight to Get Laid… And Other S*** You Shouldn’t Say! [Story Time]

Hi Cuties!

Whenever I’m asked about my weight the conversation usually goes one of two ways. Either the person tells me that I carry my weight well, despite being a fatty. (Which I guess do). Or, they ask me why I want to lose weight. Usually I glance over myself perplexed. Isn’t that answer obvious? I want to lose weight because I’m chubby… fluffy… or fat. I don’t say this to put myself down. It’s more stating the obvious. However, recently I’ve added another reason as the catalyst to my latest dieting motivation: I want to get laid more often. Yes, sex sells in the media, and it’s also a great motivator for losing weight. But for some odd reason, people squirm when you say you want to have sex. Or more sex. This is especially true if you’re a female.

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It’s as though us females are supposed to be demure about “actions between the sheets”. But if I’m being radically honest here, I cannot understand why! We’re mammals and therefore we like to have sex both for pleasure and reproduction. Though in my case, it’s certainly more for pleasure. So, when I was asked by the checkout woman who scanned my case of Slim-fast shakes why I wanted to lose weight, I stood there for a half a second with a choice to make. Do I be honest and state that I want to get laid? Perhaps I could give her a chuckle in her long, boring 8-hour shift? Or, do I smile and make niceties stating that swimsuit season is coming up and I simply want to look my best? Following the kindergarten adage, “honesty is the best policy”, I smiled at the girl and said, “I just want to get laid”. She blinked at me and then busted out laughing at my brutal honesty. The man behind even smirked at me. I had turned a boring moment in the grocery check out, into something people could relate to. That said, here are a few other things that perhaps we “shouldn’t say”. Or maybe we should? I’ll let you be the judge:

  • Frozen TV dinners really do taste like cardboard, despite being able to calorie count them. We all know that it takes three of those “meals” to equal one normal portion size.
  • No, I don’t want to sign up for the next 5k. I don’t have a bucket list item to run a marathon. Even people who are crazy enough to run a marathon doesn’t actually enjoy the aspect of running said marathon. I’d rather do “aqua-robics”. That’s fat-people friendly. 😉
  • There’s always one skinny person at Weight Watchers meetings who is too afraid of gaining back the weight. So, they attend those boring, weekly meetings. When really all we, fatties, want to say to Kathy (the 5-year veteran member) is to go get a life and eat a Snickers bar.
  • Laying on a six pack of abs feels like cuddling a piece of lumber. It’s nice to look at but sucks to snuggle up to. I much prefer the “dad bod” on a man. A little tummy is perfect for cuddling.
  • Guys actually enjoy smelling our pheromones, ladies. Don’t be so quick to shave off every square inch of your body hair. And what’s up with girls shaving their arms? I get shaving your armpits, but I’ve never shaved my forearms. That boggles my mind.
  • A man definitely invented thongs because no woman ever said, “Oh yes, I’d absolutely love to wear butt floss today. As they say, “It’s floss Friday!”.

Yes, there are some things in which we, (sadly) have to bite our tongue. And so, I rant here and share them with you. What do you think? Do you agree with me? Stay cute, my friends, Have a Happy Mother’s Day, and stay tuned here for the next post!

~Miss Cutie xx

2 Comments Add yours

  1. JoAnn says:

    I agree that a man probably came up with the thong. I hate them. My current man likes me chubby. It’s great when you find someone like that 🙂💃🏼

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehe amen to that! Thank you for the lovely comment. It made me grin. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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